I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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