when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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