My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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