That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
