The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
