I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
