New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
