I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
