Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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