I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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