Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
