Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
