i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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