I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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