Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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