Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
