lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
