Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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