i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
