a queef is a wish your heart makes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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