Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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