Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
