i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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