The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
time to smoke my breakfast
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
