I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
