you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
