Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
