I think I died a long time ago.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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