eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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