So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
