Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
