The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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