I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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