Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
