I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
