mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
