Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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