theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
