it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
