I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I want is dick and wine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
