I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
