we have officially lost it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
