It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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