We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
