thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
