I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
