Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
