1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
