my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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