I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
zippers are such a cool invention
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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