We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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