Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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