I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
