I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
